With Type 1 Diabetes, there are a lot of bad days and not as many good days. As it is such an unpredictable condition, the slightest factor can set me off, the heat, the cold, stress, hormones, and the list goes on.
People around me often get frustrated that I don't check my blood sugar as often as I should, or don't change my pump set every 3 days, or that I turn the alarms off on my pump. The truth is that I get overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to put into being alive. My mum tells me that I have to keep checking my pump and make micro-corrections on my pump to control my blood sugar, but most of the time I find it an extra effort to simply make a bolus for my meal, and even then I almost always guess the amount of carbohydrates in food.
Today I had to change my CGM, and then my pump set got pulled out. The utter lack of motivation I felt to do anything about it was draining. Having to think about the stress of exams, and then having another small obstacle thrown at me is utterly tiresome. It took me about 40 minutes to finally get my stuff together to change my set (You're only aloud to have a pump off the maximum of 1 hour). My CGM had to be changed, because I have an exam tomorrow, and I need to be able to see my blood sugar during, but my I knew my blood sugar was high, so I didn't want to have to see that on my pump screen.
Today wasn't a good day. To those around me, I was fine and even happy. Inside though, I was really struggling with everything. Type 1 Diabetes is constant, and a lot of the time it utterly overwhelms me. I just want to be like a normal teenager, but sometimes the realisation that I can't do everything makes me upset.
Basically, all I'm saying is that because my blood sugar isn't perfect at all times, don't judge. Having a chronic condition is hard, and I do my best, but sometimes it is so hard to keep up with both my blood sugar and the things I want to do simultaneously.
My blood sugar will go lower and my blood sugar will go higher, but it is all part of the process, and I'm trying my best.
Until next time,